


In the Presence of My Familiar

by costsofregret



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 09:08:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1463680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/costsofregret/pseuds/costsofregret
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Entry for SBP: AU for 5x03 and how Samifer came to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Presence of My Familiar

When Sam was 18 years old and living alone in his Stanford dorm room, he fucked himself on a set of pillows and called out his brother’s name as he came. He cried his way to sleep that night, as he did most nights, filled with shame and desire.

He recalled this feeling as he rubbed the wood bar clean, his hands soaked in the soapy water.

“Night, Keith!” Lindsey, the waitress, yelled across the bar as she left. They’d tried to have a night out but Sam felt the disconnect and soon after they fell into a familiarity of acquaintances. 

After he was finished Sam took the long way back to the motel. He thought about Dean, as he always did. Being away from his brother was harder than he expected. When he was at Stanford he’d been fueled by anger and resentment. When Dean was in hell he’d been immersed in another kind of anger, one that was pure rage. But now? Now he was empty. He wanted to be with his brother, be hunting next to him, be with him….he stopped himself. Don’t go there. 

He opened the door of the motel room and immediately halted, his keys still clutched in his palm. The hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he turned, ready to attack. 

The air rushed out of him in relief when he saw the figure move out from the corner of the room. 

“Dean,” he whispered. His brother stared at him and Sam wondered at the look. It was different, full of repressed anger and something else. 

Not wanting to retread the same old arguments, Sam walked further into the room and threw his keys on the small counter space in the makeshift kitchen. It was an efficiency and there was little room to move. And now with his brother here, he felt the claustrophobia even more. 

“What are you doing here, Dean?” 

“You can’t just leave like that, Sam. You just can’t….” Dean let the words taper off. 

“Like what? You can’t trust me and to be honest, I don’t know if I trust me.” Sam sat down on the bed. Its comforter scratched at his elbows, the thread long worn from age and stiff with cheap softener.

Dean walked over and sat next to him. They sat there in silence until finally Dean spoke again, “Sam, we have to fix this.”

Sam nodded but refused to look at Dean. He’d been alone with himself for too long and the closeness…it made everything more….well just more. He shifted over, away from Dean.

“Sam,” Dean reached out and put a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “We can do this. We can fix it.” 

“How?” Sam got up and walked toward the bathroom. He was surprised when he was grabbed and turned around. His back hit the door as Dean pushed him forward. 

“What the….” Sam’s hand went up automatically, pushing at his brother.

“I kept thinking about you,” Dean breathed into Sam’s neck. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you and I hated you for it. We’re at the end of the fucking world and you’re out there, without me.” 

“Dean.” Sam’s knees grew weak as Dean just hovered, not even an inch separating them. Something dark rose up inside him. The anger, the purity of his shame and guilt and in that moment, the end of the world rested on the tip of his brother’s tongue. He pushed forward, not thinking and took possession of his brother’s lips. Their mouths met in battle, each one fighting for control. 

They tangled their arms together as they fell back onto the bed. Memories of hidden handjobs while his brother fucked the local girls swam inside his head as Sam climbed on top of the familiar body. Don’t think. Just do. The words of a long ago coach rushed across his mind as he fumbled to unhook the button on Dean’s jeans. He wanted. He just wanted. It was a bone deep desire that focused him on removing the layers of clothes. His fingers pushed the denim aside and hurried to pull the flannel away. Dean said nothing, just hummed as Sam laid his hands against the familiarly unknown flesh. 

“End of the fucking world,” Dean murmured as Sam licked his way up. He laid sloppy kisses inside Dean’s thigh, working his way up to the cock that hardened and pulsed at his touch. He took it into his mouth, remembering all those awkward moments in the back of locker rooms and in the alleys behind Stanford bars. He closed his eyes and hummed around the flesh as Dean whispered encouragement. 

Dean’s fingers curled in his hair and tugged, forcing Sam free. Sam didn’t look at Dean and his rose up and kissed the soft skin on his chest. “Don’t stop me,” he begged. 

Dean laughed, “Get up here.” 

Sam smiled and finally looked into his brother’s eyes, their greenness so bright and welcoming. “Stay,” he whispered as he fell into the embrace. Dean pushed him so they were laying side by side. Sam closed his eyes as he felt his brother’s fingers dance down his spine, roaming down the fold of flesh and pushing inside. He let his body be pulled closer as Dean opened him up with one finger, then two, then three, each addition summoning a moan of pleasure from Sam. 

“Turn over, Sam.” He did as he was commanded, trying to ignore the voice inside that screamed at him to stop, to ask why Dean was doing this, what had changed. He was willing to be selfish, to pretend that this was okay. 

Sam felt the first push of Dean’s cock and he winced. But then as Dean bottomed out inside him, that old memory of the stale smelling Stanford pillows took over his body. He strained and pumped his body into the bed as Dean slammed into him again and again. He groaned out in pleasure and pain as Dean reached around and grabbed his cock, stroking it up and down slowly which warred against the hard and fast rhythm Dean was following.

Sam felt the first wave of the orgasm take over him, moving up his body rapidly and grabbing at his heart. The power of it was edging on the horizon of his vision and he bucked against Dean’s hand, wanting to reach the feeling faster and harder than ever before. Dean took his cue and pumped his hand faster, coming in line with his cock which hitched inside Sam, catching on that spot inside that turned pain into ecstasy.

“Say yes, Sam.” Dean commanded him and Sam didn’t understand what the question was.

“Say yes.” 

Sam’s vision clouded and the orgasm shot through him. He screamed out his release in the single word, “Yes.” All the love and pain and confusion and rage carried in his language. 

All of sudden he felt a light in his body, or rather a darkness. Another wave was coming but this one was black and cold and terrifying. He scrambled away and huddled in the corner of the bed. Dean’s face mutated, turned into a thing that was not him, not anything, just a void, an emptiness unlike any other. 

“Oh you silly, stupid, sick boy. So easy….and look at that, we didn’t have to go to Detroit after all….” were the last words Sam heard before he fell into himself.


End file.
